<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>the shepard by maddy_does (favefangirl)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113015">the shepard</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/favefangirl/pseuds/maddy_does'>maddy_does (favefangirl)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>carry on countdown 2020 [22]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Post-Book 1: Carry On, baz / ebb friendship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:55:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/favefangirl/pseuds/maddy_does</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a year since Ebb's death, so Simon and Baz return to Watford to pay their respects.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>carry on countdown 2020 [22]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026733</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Carry On Countdown 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the shepard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Carry On Countdown Day 22, DEC 16: Unlikely Friends</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been a year now, God help them. A full rotation around the sun since everything fell apart. Baz has to remind himself that it was also when everything fell together, sharing a bed rather than some tragic destiny with Simon Snow is proof enough of that. Still, it doesn't change what was lost. Simon has to mourn it everyday, every time Baz or Penny casts a spell and he doesn't get to feel the thrum of magic that coils through the air, every breath he takes that doesn't taste like smoke, every moment where power is not coursing through his veins. It's not so omnipresent for the rest of them, but the loss is still there. </p><p>Baz had thought that Simon might make today about the Mage. There's a look in his eyes sometimes that's just a little too like guilt to sit comfortably in Baz's chest. Simon had killed the Mage, accident or no, and he'll forever carry the burden of that with him. Baz doesn't think it would be helpful to say that he'd been going to Watford that day to do just that, that if anything, Simon's actions had merely cost him the privilege. He respects that he's the closest thing Simon ever got to a parental figure, however much he doesn't like it.</p><p>But it's Ebb that Simon's concerned with. It's unsurprising. Baz doesn't like to think about how many years it had been since Simon had last experienced any kind of tenderness before coming to Watford and meeting her. Too many, is the undeniable answer. Simon denies that she was like a mother to him, though that may in part be because the concept is so foreign to him, he wouldn't know what to do with himself if she was, but she was a friend. </p><p>She doesn't have a formal grave. Baz has his suspicions that her body was lost in the bureaucratic mess that was the investigation that followed the incidents that day. He hasn't the heart to tell Simon this. There is a small marker for her, though, by the goatherd hut at Watford. The goats are gone now, and the hut is empty, but there's a small pile of stones behind it, weighting down Ebb's Watford Scarf. Baz had almost asked for it for Simon to keep, but in those early days he was in too fragile a state, clinging to any aspect of normality he could. Baz felt the marker was a better use of it in the end, something they could visit in the future, when they were all in a better place. </p><p>They have express permission from Headmistress Bunce to visit today, so long as they don't upset the children. Baz forgets that most of them were still students here when it happened. Many of their Watford experiences will have been shaped by the carnage Simon managed to cause every year (though, Baz supposes, he wasn't entirely innocent in all of it). Lord only knows how many of them are probably still in therapy for it all.</p><p>Baz parks the car as far away from the drive as possible, and then they both head up to the hut. Simon is carrying a tin of biscuits, Ebb's favourite kind. Baz knows he wishes he could give her more, and has done what he can to convince him that this is enough. To still remember her when all the world and his wife seem to have forgotten is enough. They walk in without speaking, and this used to be uncomfortable. Being in each other's presences used to be uncomfortable, but it's okay now. He's used to Simon's silence, doesn't even begrudge him it anymore.</p><p>They reach the hut, and move to stand by the pile of stones. There's a minute or two where they just stand there. Baz can't help but shiver as a rolling wave of magic passes through him. He's not surprised. Ebb was a powerhouse of an almost immeasurable kind, second maybe only to Simon and even that magic wasn't really his. There are traces of her magic all over this place and probably will be for decades to come. She could've been so much, but instead she was simply kind. </p><p>"We were friends," Baz says, breaking the silence. Simon's head snaps to look at him, eyebrows furrowed, mouth hanging open. The side of Baz's mouth quirks upwards in bemusement. "Yep. Once a term I'd come and drink one of her terrible cups of tea." He shrugs. There are tears in Simon's eyes, and he takes them as a sign to keep going. "We would talk about my mother. Ebb idolised her. She's the reason she got the job here."</p><p>"She wanted to stop her from joining Nicodemus," Simon nods.</p><p>Baz hums. "I think maybe she also wanted to stop her from getting involved in the mess that was brewing." Baz shrugs. "I like to think so, anyway." It's tragic that his mother wasn't successful in her attempts.</p><p>He kneels down to put a fallen stone back in its place on the pile. He's about to get back up when Simon kneels down beside him, placing the biscuits next to the pile. He pulls the lid off and takes out two. He hands one to Baz and places the other in his mouth as he puts the lid back on the tin. They stay like that, shoulders brushing, eating their biscuits. There's a cold breeze that blows every now and then, but they're mostly covered from it by the hut. Baz tries to peer in through one of the windows, but it's empty inside. </p><p>"I was eleven the first time we met," Baz continues, staring into what was once the living room. "She caught me trying to lay a schwarmerie for you. She told me my mother wouldn't be very happy." Baz chuckles, "Then she said Fiona would." When Baz looks over, Simon is staring at him like he barely recognises him. "We talked about her a lot, too. I think Ebb might've been in love with her."</p><p>Baz swallows around a sudden lump in his throat. Ebb talked about Fiona and all the trouble they got into, and while she never mentioned Nicodemus - probably too much of a sore spot for her, even after all those years - it was obvious that Fiona never felt the same about her. From the photos Baz saw, he could pretty confidently say something happened between Fiona and Nicodemus, and he wonders sometimes how Ebb had stood by and watched that happen without an ounce of bitterness. He remembers watching Simon and Agatha across the room, how crushing it had been. For it to be her own brother? Baz is constantly amazed by how fundamentally good she was.</p><p>"I miss her," Simon confesses, looking down at the memorial.</p><p>"Me too," Baz admits, for what might be the first time, at least aloud.</p><p>"Maybe she's with your mum now?" Simon suggests, turning to him.</p><p>Baz bites down on his denial, knowing now is not the time, and certainly not the place for it. Instead, he reaches out, takes one of Simon's hands and squeezes it. "Come on, it's getting cold and Penny's mum'll be after us if we stay too long." Simon doesn't put up any fight, just nods and walks with him. "She cared about you, you know," Baz says as they walk back to the car. "She was always going off on one about how the Mage put too much pressure on you." Baz squeezes his hand again as he says, "She'd be proud." Simon just squeezes his hand back.</p><p>One day, Baz might tell him more, about the afternoons he and Ebb spent talking about the past, and about Simon, or about the knowing look she'd get in her eye whenever he was brought up. He sends a little thank you to her for being a friend to them both when they needed one more than anything, and as he drives back through the gates, a little spark of magic shoots through him that feels like more than the wards. From Simon's gasp, he figures that he felt it too. It's a comfort, and a sign that maybe things were going to be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yes i am in love with ebeneza petty, what of it?</p><p>also, we're going to ignore the canon baz/ebb relationship, because my version is better, okay? okay.</p><p>(no but fr, ebb getting to be a part of natasha's son's life, baz having someone to talk to who wasn't his aunt, the w/w m/m solidarity???? rainbow really missed a trick here)</p><p>i also sort of imagine that the spark simon feels is him getting a little bit of his magic back? idk. interpret that how you want :)</p><p>anyway, if you wanna leave a comment or a kudos they're much appreciated! especially let me know if there's something you think i forgot to tag! </p><p>i'm taking prompts! if you're interested please drop the prompt in the comments below. if you do send a prompt be prepared for me to take fifty years to fill it because <i>uni</i>, but i promise i'll try! come say hi on tumblr: <a href="https://maddy-does.tumblr.com/">@maddy-does</a></p><p>thanks for reading, have a wonderful existence.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>